There is this iconic scene in the film An American Werewolf in London in which the main character transforms into a werewolf. It was considered groundbreaking for its time in terms of what it showed, and its effects, its length, and over 30 years later it’s still a great scene. I love it for many reasons, but one of these is that I know exactly what the man on screen is feeling; I have given birth.
I watch that scene and I relate, in maybe what is an unexpected way. Here he is going through something that seems excruciatingly painful, powerful, and he’s experiencing this transformation which is animalistic and supernatural.
Last night I had a dream that I was having sex with someone while he was in the middle of this transformation into a werewolf. At first everything about it was scary. I didn’t know if being around him, being close to him, would kill me. And, it was painful. It was as if I could feel all the pain I perceived that he felt while I was a part of him. But it also felt really, really good. The more and more I was able to let go of the idea that this was painful or scary, the more amazing it felt, like nothing of its kind. All I could feel was our connection. The fear was lost and the concept of pain instead registered as power. We were not feeling pain, we were feeling the power of transformation. This awareness allowed only the good sensations to come to the forefront, so much so that nothing else mattered. It would not have mattered if other people were there, it would not have mattered if I may still die. I was only caught up in the unmatched feeling of surrendering to transformation.
When it was over, I wanted to do it again. I also wanted to get out of there before he completely transformed, the fear of death having returned.
Birth and sex and death are these amazing transformative forces of creation. It is as though the Universe or God is channeled through you, or you are it– the mix and power of male and female energy churning and combining to create some new force or life, the combustion and explosion of new beginnings through this union, every new thing its own Big Bang, everything we know coming together to take us to this other world where we finally witness and realize some higher potential– we are the vessels of ultimate creative acts in nature. Incredible energy and change rushes through us in our lifetimes, in our cycles as we experience birth, sex, or death. We are more than we realize. The infinite knowledge of the universe and the construction or metamorphosis of all things is in our every cell, every atom, even if the brain doesn’t consciously recognize any of this.
It’s hard not to be spiritual in sight of such seemingly miraculous things.
Perhaps if we understand birth and its sensations as something powerful rather than painful, it will improve the way women perceive the experience for the better. I will carry this thought/concept/lesson with me in the hopes it is of some service to myself; my own little wolf is due in 2 months.
More on wolves on the next post.