Just Quick Clarifications (For the Stillbirthday Debacle)

24 04 2012

Most of this stuff could have been cleared up if open communication were ever utilized. You’d be amazed how much understanding can occur when people genuinely talk to and listen to one another. But, not happening, so here goes.

Three things:

1. I never went to Gina @ The Feminist Breeder to convince her of anything. It literally never happened. I only stepped into the conversation when alerted by my friends it was occurring.  At that point, it was concerned loss mothers who’d been victimized by the Mentors at Stillbirthday who had spoken up to spark her retraction of endorsing their site in the first place.

2.  I never tell mothers that it is better to watch your baby die a natural death than to receive emergency care. All you’d have to do is read my book to know that I am all about having back up plans and taking care to use medical service when it is needed.  Others have gathered this just from my online activity, w/o even having to read my book.  Saying that I prefer dead infants to medical intervention is absurd and a regurgitation of the common go-to claim made against any natural childbirth proponents by anti natural birth groups. Heidi claims to be for natural birth, but she’s pulling out all their cards tonight.

3. Everything I ever used in any posts about Stillbirthday was entirely factual. I don’t have to lie. The truth is bad enough. Every time I ask “what was a lie?” I am never answered. Some act like they are above that and then post passive-aggressive blogs to avoid actual conversation and maintain the appearance of a moral high ground. We go to comment, but they refuse to publish our comments in our own defense, even though they have been allowed on ours. Like the interview I attempted, communication is always shut down. I am never proven wrong. It’s a hit and run.

Okay, Four things.

4. I have never, ever, ever, EVER made ANY request, explicit or implied, that ANY particular member be ousted from Stillbirthday. My problem was with the organization as a whole. I never made any demands, threats, or ultimatums. If you were told this, you were lied to. I have nothing to gain if ONE person leaves this organization. If one person leaves, who wins? Not me, and I don’t care. This is not to fulfill any vendetta. This is not personal. It is beyond personal. Even if any one mentor were ousted from this group, I would still never promote Stillbirthday. It’s very foundation, to me, is questionable. There was never a deal one could make with me in exchange for my silence. Only understanding did I seek. Questions and answers. These were refused.

Good! I think that’s all cleared up now. Have a good one!  🙂


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7 responses

23 05 2012
Janet

Elizabeth, do you believe in forgiveness?

24 05 2012
♥♂►Elizabeth, ISOTP Birth◄♀♥

Yes, I do. Absolutely.

24 05 2012
♥♂►Elizabeth, ISOTP Birth◄♀♥

Read my book and you’d know that. 😉

7 06 2012
Janet

Hi, I have read the majority of your book. I enjoyed reading about your births but for me the last part of the book was hard to read, it was a bit all over the place, so I never finished it. I still have it downloaded so there is hope that I will finish it.

I have read your comments about stillbirthday and find them quite harsh and unnecessary. From what I have read Heidi just wants to help other loss mothers. To me it is much the same as your wanting to help others become aware of their birthing choices.

From what I have read Heidi had not said anything about you before you wrote your qualified care blogs. I understand that you have had unpleasant (to put it mildly) experiences with some of the mentors of Stillbirthday, but I don’t get why you brought Heidi into all this.

The reason I asked initially about forgiveness is I was wondering how you would feel if say 6 months down the line someone threw those nasty words you said about Heidi (calling her a Sociopath, mentally unhinged) back in your face?

8 06 2012
♥♂►Elizabeth, ISOTP Birth◄♀♥

Ha, thanks for the book feedback! >:)

About these actual posts: Nothing I said was harsh; I was factual and restrained. Nothing I said was unnecessary; it has helped countless people make an informed decision about who they should seek for grief.

I’m sure Heidi wants to help people, but it’s up for others to decide if her help and the help of her mentors would be appropriate for them. If nothing else, hiding and running from the truth is a bad PR move.

You haven’t seen enough about Heidi before, during, or after these posts to make that kind of judgment. No one got dragged into anything, as all the same individuals are cycling through Stillbirthday and the various other hate groups. They are intrinsically entwined.

About any other opinions you’ve heard me express on Heidi: I never say anything without considering that it will be a lasting quote. In other words, I say something only if I really mean it. So, anybody can quote me and we can discuss it and the reasons why. You can do this for me now, 6 months from now, or 6 years from now. Heidi is a nice person, but she also knows how to behave to get what she wants. And, when she doesn’t get what she wants, she is able to flip on a switch to become somebody else. Again, you weren’t privy to everything. I know a few people who’ve witnessed what I have, and I am confident that it’s not just my misinterpretation.

Again, it’s not personal, it’s about transparency. I would feel the same way about Stillbirthday if I had this information and none of them had ever previously spoken a word to me. Thanks for taking the time.

8 06 2012
♥♂►Elizabeth, ISOTP Birth◄♀♥

PS– the end part talks about peace and forgiveness. Maybe that’s why it was hard to read about. 😉

17 06 2012
Janet

Elizabeth, have you lost a child yourself? Perhaps if you had you would see that Stillbirthdays and other grief support groups help loss mothers by having someone to talk to who has had a similar experience. Whilst friends and family are a great support, unless they have suffered loss themselves they still don’t understand what you are going through.
When you loose a child you loose a part of yourself, you are never quite the same person that you once were. The grief is always there, over time you learn how to manage it but it is always there,just under the surface. You are never “healed”. Heidi just wants to help others in their journey of grief and so far I have only heard positive things about Stillbirthdays (except for your blog that is).

Responding to your above comments, yes it is up to each individual to make the choice who to go to if they want to seek help for their grief. You speak of “running and hiding from the truth” what exactly is the truth you are talking about?
I am confused with your comment that “iit’s not personal, it’s about transparency” yet you have also said “This is not personal. It is beyond personal”. Could you please elaborate.

Lastly, regarding your book, you talk about forgiving oneself but I do not recall you talking specifically about forgiving others.

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