It’s been awhile since I did a Song Saturday, and I’ve never done a Song Sunday, but today I’m doing a special tribute to Whitney Houston– rest in peace. As usual, the songs I select are relevant to us as we approach our births.
I always get a little teary of her rendition of that song, but it’s especially poignant today. RIP Whitney.
Michelle (a loss mother) had something to say about the targeting Stillbirthday (an organization that claims to care about the healing process of loss mothers) has aimed her way. They publicly rebuke her and made false accusations, but refused to publish this comment of hers, even though we allowed them to respond on this blog in their own defense. Apparently our asking questions was tantamount to harassment and hate, and they’ve chosen to return the favor rather than provide the information we were seeking. The reason?: they didn’t want to get involved in anything “unproductive”. Listen to Michelle’s words and decide if you think they are capable of appropriately handling conflicts or giving qualified care to grief-stricken parents of infant loss.
Truth be told this entire blog piece which was in reference to ME was completely condescending.
I don’t care WHAT you say there is absolutely NO excuse for another grieving mother to tell me that I didn’t love my son and that I am the reason he died. None. Not a single excuse can be made for her. I did nothing to provoke her “anger”, since this seems to be the excuse you make for her every time. The only thing I did was disagree with her position on certified professional midwives. Negligence occurs ALL THE TIME in HOSPITALS too.
When a loss occurs, you need someone who will stand by you without prejudice or judgment. You can't trust just anybody to help you through your grief. Who can you trust?
This is not something that is strictly occurring during home births attended by [people] other than CNMs. I refuse to change my OWN position in this fight against midwifery because of the way someone else feels. And bullying me about how I deal with my OWN loss is not going to change my position. And that is what she and all of her friends did and continue to do anytime my blog is posted somewhere. She has no reason to be angry at anyone who is standing up for themselves and what THEY believe in. Even despite all the nasty things she said about me I would never ever DREAM of insinuating that she didn’t love her baby. That’s what people who really do have compassion for others do. She has clearly stated she has no sympathy for people like me regarding my loss because I am not blaming the world the way she is. THIS IS NOT THE PROPER MENTALITY FOR A PERSON TO HAVE AS A MENTOR FOR GRIEVING MOTHERS.
I am sure you probably won’t even approve of this post so no one but you will even see it. Please stop posting your condescending blog posts about me and my loss. I am not the one in need of help here. I have peace about my loss thanks.
We’ll see it, Michelle. We’ll see it. You haven’t done anything wrong. All you’ve ever done was tell people that peace was attainable after stillbirth, and that sometimes deaths have no one to blame. We applaud you.
This is a guest post from Melissa, an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician), who reached out to me in the middle of reading my book. Her feedback was great to hear!
I’m working on your book and I’m impressed. 
I received it free on the Kindle, but would like to support your efforts and purchase a copy as well! Let me know how to do that.
I just finished the part where EMS took you for your second delivery and I can assure you if you were unconscious they would have gotten you out. They would have had to use what they call a “flexible” stretcher or a backboard and physically carried you out, because a stretcher will not fit down most hallways without causing damage or taking too much time. I assure those are the two most uncomfortable options in the world. While I almost cried at the thought of you crawling down the hallway, it probably was unfortunately your best option.
Thank you for opening my eyes to your perspective. Its humbling to me, who is so comfortable in a medical environment, to get an insight of how scary it can be to others. The information is great, and I’m considering a third birth and possibly a UC. I really am thankful for your efforts in writing this book and I can’t wait to finish!
For me, I was able to envision your day with a scary accuracy only because I have been that well meaning paramedic before. Your story gave me the ability to view the scene from the other side instead of from the clueless medical provider.
I started considering going UC last year when we decided we wanted another child. While my first labor was a horrendous induction from pre-ecclampsia turned ecclampsia while pushing , my second was what doctors would like to consider textbook perfect for an induction. We induced when the signs of pre-e started, it was a very quick labor, with a very healthy baby. Everything was as perfect as a medicalized birth could be. The only nagging feeling was that my daughter did not choose when to be born. In the Jewish faith, it is believed that the child chooses their birth time. This coincides with my mothers belief of astrology which your fate is heavily influenced by your birth time. I kept wondering if I have given my child a fate (perhaps a struggling one?) they were not destined for by forcing them into the world early. I know it sounds insane, but I feel like I may have cheated my children the opportunity to be who they wanted to be in utero.
I considered lying to a midwife about my previous history, knowing no mw in their right mind will come near me. Then I decided to go on with an OB and lie about our conception date and refuse ultrasounds so they didn’t induce until spontaneous labor started because they assumed this was too early. We decided this might put me in a compromising position if they tried to stop the labor or induce because of growth size, and could lead to too many tests for GD and otherwise. Finally [my friend] mentioned that I have been on the “catching” end of a childbirth, why not do it ourselves. My husband laughed and said “why not?” We started reading into it, and sadly we had to table the idea when I miscarried in the second trimester (and you’ve heard my horrendous cytotec story, which leads me to further think I’m destined for UC!)
I haven’t yet felt ready to start trying for another child, but I’ve been feeling that nagging “empty uterus” feeling that says I’ll be ready soon! Right now I’m in the learning process of UC once again, and looking into the legalities.
I’m just really thankful for your book! I’m hoping to be return to working on the ambulance in the next few years, and if I ever encounter another woman in labor I have a better idea of how scared and inconsequential she must be feeling!
theperfectbirth 