The Importance of Excluding Onlookers From Freebirths

If you’re going to be of service to women and want to be taken seriously, having a well-rounded education is important. There are many things you’ll want to know before you can safely feel adequate to provide “care”. One important thing to know on laboring women is, when it comes to witnessing their homebirth, UC (unassisted childbirth) is not a spectator sport.

Even if you allege to be hands off, the problem of the observer is one hopefully known to all UCers and would-be UCers. It is one of the reasons (maybe even a main reason) why many women decide on freebirth at all. One of my favorite writers on natural birth, Michel Odent, talks frequently of the mammalian needs in birth. Of our four basic needs, privacy is one of them. Without it, the mother senses danger and this complicates the labor.

“‘To give birth to her baby, the mother needs privacy. She needs to feel unobserved.” –Birth and Breastfeeding, Michel Odent. Any doula, midwife, or doctor should read this book. 

You can read more here: Do Not Disturb: The Importance of Privacy in Labor, Judith A. Lothian, RN, PhD, LCCE, FACCE, The Journal of Perinatal Education- Advancing Normal Birth, from the US National Library of Medicine- National Institutes of Health (PubMed Central). Sidenote: This link also discusses the fetal ejection reflex, for the interested.

Now some may argue that it is possible to give a woman a feeling (or an illusion) of privacy and still have onlookers or caregivers. I will not debate that at this time, but I will state that if one is trying to observe a birth to determine their own readiness to venture into the fields of midwifery and the like, this learning experience is a detriment to the mother.

“There is no privacy without a feeling of security.” –Birth and Breastfeeding, Odent.

Anything you bring into the birthing space, the mother can sense. Any fears, hesitations, reservations, doubts, lack of confidence, lack of understanding of anything, lack of skill, lack of intuition, she spots like a dog smells fear. She taps into her primal state and the neocortex (rational, human, intellectual thought) attempts to disengage. If she has the awareness in any aspect of her consciousness that you are here to test yourself, this can generate feelings of insecurity in the mother. This is particularly true if you are not in an intimate relationship with her. Feelings of insecurity and lack of privacy will, again, complicate labor.

“Most women who understand what is going on are keen observers not only of their own actions, but of the reactions of those about them to every fresh event or incident. I have laid stress upon the sensitiveness of the mind of a parturient woman; if you wish to deceive them, you will fail.”

“Confidence rests upon the knowledge of perfect preparation.”

“During labor, women spot doubt in a doctor’s mind as quickly as a kestrel sees a rat in the stubble… However good an actor or however suave a humbug, confidence has no counterfeit.” – these quotes from Childbirth Without Fear, Grantly Dick-Read.

The woman in labor, sensing any lack or fear on the part of anyone present, is hormonally receptive to those suggestions. This initiates the Fear-Tension-Pain cycle. Labor becomes hard or even dangerous for woman and child.

It is more important that we honor and respect the birthing space of the laboring woman and her most basic, primal needs as a mammal than to use her as a test subject for our own reassurance and education.

There are other ways we will be able to give ourselves a proper education on birth and physiology in order to ascertain in what capacity we may be of assistance to birthing women. Like the saying goes, “reading is fundamental”. I urge people to read, read, read, and learn everything they possibly can about true physiological, natural birth and the actual needs of a birthing woman in labor.

Privacy is one very basic and simple method of providing safety in the birth space of a well-prepared woman. We live in a culture, though, where the most basic methods of prevention are overlooked in favor of the most technical hands-on repairs we can put our logical minds to. But, what if we could avoid those dilemmas?

For example– Instead of relying on knowledge of which massage, drug, or herb will treat a post partum hemorrhage, what about understanding the seemingly invisible causes? The brain-body connection has a lot to do with our most commonly feared childbirth complications, and yet our culture does precious little to recognize and avoid creating the issues to begin with. We must look to the interconnectedness of our systems, hormonal responses to environment and stimuli, etc. If we were to know the birth process from an unhindered, natural, physiological perspective, know the stages of labor through all non-intrusive signs, and respect the mother’s primal birth space needs, our shopping lists and interference levels would dramatically decrease. Healthy, normal births would be the result.

I have noticed that there are many UCers or those researching UC are preoccupied with the fix-it methods, though. They read almost exclusively midwifery and obstetrics texts (if they read at all), they focus on which tools or drugs or herbs can be used in a pinch to solve a dilemma or crisis. In the process, we are neglecting the very root of why freebirth is so important– the undisturbed aspect of birth only it can provide. When we more fully grasp what is primal and physiological, our tools and medicines become more and more useless and unnecessary. This is  such a worthy goal! To lose sight of that and to attempt to mimic health care professionals in all regards in many ways defeats the purpose. We aren’t trying to take over their work, we are trying to transcend their methods.

In other words… If I wanted a medical approach to my care, I would hire a medical professional. But, I digress. Because I associate onlooking with interference, I have touched upon the issue of hands-on as relating to eyes-on. Getting back on track–

For anyone questioning if they could handle the pressure of attending births for a living, I would strongly advise they find their confidence elsewhere than at a woman’s freebirth. I would suggest educating oneself to the utmost of one’s abilities, reading books like the ones quoted here (as opposed to a lot of the more mainstream, feel-good, interference-happy “natural birth” literature). I would recommend reading things which are very pro-unassisted childbirth, where lack of attendants is understood and encouraged on a scientific level, because this will provide technical and biological knowledge and a foundation for what makes this birth safe. That is knowledge that would become confidence-instilling for anyone of the right composition to attend women.

Even starting as a trusted doula for attended births of people you are personally close with (at home or in hospital) can give one an idea of their own abilities. Anything… anything to avoid adding hindrance to what could otherwise be an undisturbed birth. This would be one of the gravest insults to natural birth and the natural birthing woman. The needs of a woman in birth are more important than any education we hope to glean from their experience for our own gain.

In order to properly care for a woman, we must first be able to put her needs above our own wants. Anyone unwilling to do that already has the answer to their own question– they are not prepared to attend her. Let us not behave the way that doctors have which caused us to leave the hospital environment in the first place.

“Every woman is different, and so are her needs in childbirth,” you might say. Yes and no. Psychologically every woman is different. The complex thought processes that make up our personalities and make us especially human varies. On the primal level, however, all of our needs are the same.

We are all mammals, we have built-in instincts designed to protect ourselves and the species. We do not deny our other needs as “individual”– whether a woman needs food, water, oxygen, sleep, and shelter is not up for debate based on her individuality. We all require these things as our physiology dictates. As mammals, we have physiological and hormonal reactions to childbirth events and our environment– even over the subtlest of things– that may go unrecognized or misunderstood to the untrained eye. Since it is the primal nature which gives birth, not who we are psychologically, it is the primal which we should be careful to honor!

What a woman chooses is her right, but it sometimes becomes a battle of what she is willing to partake in on the psychological level versus her most primitive instincts. I would not want to battle with the instincts, personally. You cannot reason with them.

So, even if a woman planning a homebirth or freebirth is gracious enough to invite someone to her birth as an observer or onlooker, this does not mean it will not in some way have a negative impact on her birth. A woman would be unfair to herself to promise someone that she would be comfortable with their presence (and it would be unfair for the onlooker to accept, with that knowledge). The primal need for privacy and the intuition of the laboring woman will strongly overtake most conscious psychological desires she has to be sharing, educational, brave, outgoing, or accommodating. Even a peaceful, knowledgeable, and experienced freebirther may find such an invitation to be a naive and inhibiting undertaking in hindsight. Whether it becomes merely a nuisance or precipitates a crisis, the would-be birth attendant must ask themselves, “is it worth it?”

Anyone considering UC for themselves should likewise acknowledge and honor their deepest needs in childbirth and respect the science of the process. This is the way you give yourself the best, safest chance at the healthiest birth.

You Might Not Be a Feminist If…

… you think assimilation is the path to equality.

Much like midwives who become medwives, doing everything they can to become accepted by the medical establishment that they virtually become doctors themselves (thus losing the craft in the process), fear of persecution transforms people. Make sure in the fight for equality that you don’t merely blend in to those with whom you desired equality.

Besides, how equal can you be when you’ve eliminated all differences? That’s not equality, it’s removing diversity.

Men and women are equal, but they are not the same. Women have every right to be whoever they want to be, but their biological role containing the ability of creation, and the process through which that is carried out, is their own. An innate and maybe timeless ability that maybe escapes human knowledge and understanding in completion is at work and to be respected– not to be owned, or dominated, so turn a blind eye to a patriarchal system if you must, but do not label it “feminism”. That’s only misogyny with a vagina.

A recent comment I received on my post Feminism and Overcompensating:

(by “Seriously?”, who was too much of a coward to leave their real name and e-mail address)
Seriously? (02:13:23) :

As a feminist, I’m surprised to see other women calling themselves as such being so blatantly anti-science. The idea that there’s some mystical goddess being waiting to be released through extreme pain is pure fantasy – It’s biological essentialism and it takes some special rhetorical gymnastics to spin that as feminism. there’s nothing special or noble about labour pain.

Science is fact, whether you find it inconvenient or not. Science is not male, and implying that there’s some viable, magical alternative to it created by womym and squashed by the patriarchy is a huge insult to female scientists and feminists in general. Stop making us look like idiots – mainstream society already thinks that we are deluded and out of touch with reality.

This sort of thinking needs to be put down along with creationism, the people who think 9/11 was an inside job, and all the other conspiracy theories.

 

Right, because you don’t look like an idiot. *eyeroll*

My response:

You can label yourself a “feminist” all you want, but when you ignore the history of the medical field and specifically maternity, specifically in America, over the last couple of centuries, you aren’t doing women any favors. To you, feminist simply means holding the same jobs and wearing the same coats. I don’t care who can play a part. That’s for puppets. My idea of what feminist is transcends that.

If you want to think that there is nothing mystical in life, or that we don’t have any “magical” qualities, that is your CHOICE. Science fact is stranger than fiction, so I don’t need to fabricate or embellish. The truth is, we don’t know everything there is to know about science. What we DO know is the beginning of how the brain and body work together. Those things aren’t “magical”, they’re science. The primal mind during labor is science. Mammalian physiology is science. 2/3 of OB/GYN guidelines are NOT based on science… and you dare to align yourself with current authority in the name of Science? That’s science “blasphemy”.

Our nature in labor is what I am interested in others acknowledging. It calls back to something in our ancestral past, which is also history. You are an animal, I am an animal. Asking us to forsake that in lieu of man-made “science”, as if technology helped us rise above our own animal needs and nature… THAT is the magical thinking. You’d rather believe some shiny pill has everything you need to escape the condition you are in, rather than finding a way to cooperate with nature. It’s about ownership.

Real feminists have open minds. Real feminists know their power is beyond 21st century habits. In 200 years no one will give a shit that you were “just like them” (men) in whatever position, if that position was wrong. What you spout is closed, final, absolute, and thinks it is advanced. And it blindly follows. It ignores the animal science behind what we are and where we come from. That’s more akin to creationism than my beliefs. It’s denial. You can have religious denial, or you can have occupational/professional denial, or societal and cultural denial… but if you are ignoring history and science for status, it’s still Denial.

Feminists concerned with status over fact are sellouts.

Thanks to my husband; in conversation on the matter he used the word “assimilation”, which inspired me.

This is what a feminist looks like.

Letters About Birth #1 (Hospital): Your Voice Counts Day

Your Voice Counts Day is a day going around the internet on which, for Thanksgiving, we are supposed to submit letters to our caregivers regarding our labors. We mail or hand them in to let them know how terrific or horrible our experiences were in the hopes that it raises awareness for the level of treatment we are receiving. I’ll be doing mine here, in a series of 3. The reason I hesitate to actually send these consists of several reasons. One, I believe that mainstream people will disregard me. Two, many people are mentioned, and it isn’t overall praise or blame for the whole, and some are nameless. Three, some of these people already know how I feel. Four, at the end of the day, I’m not sure if this is more for me, or for them. Or maybe it’s for you. It’s not that I think I can’t make a difference, but it’s about too much wasted effort in one direction that feels like barking at the wind. Anyway, this series will stand here, and maybe it will help you, or maybe those people will actually find their way here and it will matter to them. Just like in my book, names have been anonymized in part or completely to protect real identities. For those who read my book, this may be a nice accompaniment, but it’s not a prerequisite to appreciate this.

Dear Dr. L,  Thank you for your kindness, gentleness, and understanding. You were so pleasant and comfortable to be around. Visiting you was a great first experience for a first time mom. I have now given birth with doctors and midwives, and I think if I had to relive an attended birth, I would go back to you. I came away from the birth feeling a sense of lack or emptiness. I thought it went well in some respects… in that I got to be numb, I got a seemingly healthy child from it, and I wasn’t too messed up afterwards. By conventional standards today, I think it was normal.

I have since found that Dr. L has settled out of court for malpractice. I really wonder what the case was. Did something she do harm someone in a terrible way?

I think our standards are too low. They make us thankful when maybe we should ask why more. Several years and births later, I have learned a lot more about birth. I’m mad. I’m mad that at only “41 weeks” (which I thought could have been wrong, anyway, since my due date changed so much) I was induced, and with Christmas just a week away. I have contact with women regularly who are induced around the holidays. Obviously I can’t help but wonder if that played a part. I thought I was going to get at least the 42 weeks to wait. Ultrasound alone, even if it had shown anything potentially concerning, is a faulty measuring device for non-stress tests, and I wish they would only be taken with a grain of salt. Induction I feel is used for convenience, and it hurts people. It robs people of their chances at a truly natural birth, it rushes the baby, and it increases risk of emergency (moreso than simply waiting for baby). I have no doubt that the interventions which followed, including the epidural, were influenced heavily by the induction. Why didn’t we just wait? My placenta was not in bad shape. My baby was healthy. I was fine, and the pregnancy was fine. It’s my fault, too. I know. I could have said no. But I was 21, I was dying to meet this baby, and I trusted you. I think those things overruled my better judgment and I went along with it. I am in nature a much more stubborn, opinionated, savvy person. I constantly read during my pregnancy, I ate only the right things, I cared so much about this baby and birth. I was totally committed and devoted, and I’m not usually gullible or foolish. You deal with impressionable young women every day, some less headstrong than me, some who don’t do any research on their own. Your role is vital. 2/3 of OB/GYN guidelines are not based in science, but are based more in medical liability issues or convenience, things themselves based largely on myth and tradition and sometimes selfishness, and not on birth physiology. These are the modern old wives tales. It’s hurting women. It’s hurt me. My daughter was affected. She and I suffered seizures and convulsions. Mine seemed to only last for about six months after the birth. Call it an extended epidural headache, a bit of a hiccup if you will. It didn’t feel like a hiccup when I was slamming my neck into a railing and I blacked out, but whatever. My daughter was less lucky. She didn’t take to breastfeeding, and was not thriving. My dreams of being a natural earth mother were dashed there too when I gave her formula. I cried but I wasn’t going to watch her starved, and the nurses and lactation consultants had done all they could do for me. She was sickly as a baby, constantly with some bug, constantly getting medication. Today she still has absence seizures, problems with concentration, and a slight speech impediment. I will always wonder if this was as a result of the birth, which I know it could be (I saw her develop these changes after vaccines, but her weak condition probably made her ultimately susceptible to being damaged by them). We needed more time, and more nature.  Nothing about us was broken, we didn’t need tweaking, or fixing, or saving. And none of us can take it back now. Please think twice before inducing women. Please read up on mammalian birth physiology and Dr. Michel Odent, Dr. Sarah Buckley too. Tell me what you think. Read Childbirth Without Fear, too, or Pushed, or Born in the USA. Please stop insisting women get strapped down and monitored and stuck in one place, especially when they’re totally healthy. Please allow women to eat and drink in labor. I know it might be inconvenient for you, but we need to do what is natural and keep up our energy during long labors. It makes us more sickly and weak and easier to give in when you don’t (which I hope isn’t a goal). Please find out more about delaying cord clamping and those benefits to the baby. Please encourage women to move more freely and give birth in whatever position is comfortable for them.

Image via Mamas and Babies

Please allow water births, even if it means the patient brings an outside pool into the birthing suite. Please stop performing episiotomies and find out why they are actually worse and not proven scientifically as being helpful. Women should not be lying on their backs to birth at all, unless it’s an emergency or they instinctively choose it. Please keep the birthing suites dim and quiet with as little hustle and bustle (staff presence and intrusion) as possible during hard active labor, as this disturbs the primal laboring mind and thus increases pain and danger. Please stop doing regular and routine vaginal checks for dilation and such, as they can actually stall birth and the 10 centimeter standard is somewhat arbitrary anyway. Please stop doing directed 1-10 pushing and let the woman take the reins, because her body will do the work for both of you. Please do not rush the placenta delivery. Please do not sew women up too tight after labor. If you change their bodies too much, it makes it harder for them to have sex again. All of these things and more would help you to really give women back their births, and I guarantee you would notice a change and healthier patients. If I had had all these things, I might not be a solo birther today. You would be doing a service and honor to women, and it would be particularly noble considering it may go against your training and your acquired education in the field. I loved you and I know you could help people in ways you haven’t thought possible. As great as you were, if you take my words seriously, you could do so much more. I went on to have two more healthier babies afterwards, so I have seen the power of what we can do when we respect nature and respect the mother’s instinct, letting it lead the way.  Love, Elizabeth

Dear Nurses Amy & Lisa, Thank you so much for your warmth, kindness, pleasance, tenderness. You really made my experience that much sweeter and easier, and you can see that you really do this for love of women and babies. Your jobs really matter to you. I know the hospital has certain procedures and protocol, but some of the normal stuff done, the routine every day stuff, is actually causing harm. Amy, there are some things neonates need more than to be immediately weighed, and bathed, and measured, and pricked… they are cold and crying. They need to be with their mothers. Those first few moments and hours are critical and it’s a sacred time. They all long for peace. If everyone seems healthy, those things can wait. When this stage is disturbed, it has actually shown to have unexpected effects, such as increased risk of PPH (post partum hemorrhage) in mothers. I wish the hospital could adopt these standards more easily. Lisa, the reason women even try for natural birth is because it doesn’t have to be some horrific painfest, and we don’t want our babies negatively affected by the drugs. As amazing as it was to have you by my side, the biological missing pieces affecting my psyche after this birth stayed with me, puzzling me, for many years until I “got it right”. We are doing this to most women today in birth, even if they are not always conscious of it. We are robbing something from them that their biology recognizes even if their mentality cannot. Believe me, there is a beauty to natural birth that maybe isn’t so apparent in the hospital setting. Anyway, thanks ladies, for standing by me, and caring about me and my little girl. Love, Elizabeth

Dear Anesthesiologist from Heaven, You were my hero of the day. I have no idea what I would have done without you. You were a lifesaver. I literally thought I would go insane without your help. When you mentioned scoliosis and had trouble placing the needle, I thought I was going to cry and lose my mind. Your presence was one of gentleness and comfort, and after some of the horror stories I have heard, I am so thankful for your loving demeanor. Your drugs were quick and effective, and the little button I got to press gave me  security and control. My baby and I did suffer after-effects from the epidural, but I truly feel that when you are in the hospital, the conditions can make the labor so completely unbearable that having mercy on yourself is crucial. I am happy the drugs are there for those who find themselves in an impossible situation, for they truly need it. Thank you so much for being there for me. I know I’m *supposed to* (haha) see you as some paternalistic symbol of our obstetric model, saving the “damsel in distress”, but in that situation I needed you. I’m forever grateful. If I had one critique, it would just be to be there sooner for everyone, because when they need you, they need you five minutes ago, or maybe clone yourself. Love, Elizabeth

Dear Elderly Nurse,  I wish when I told you I couldn’t breathe, you hadn’t covered my mouth and nose with that rag. I needed space, not smothering. It would have been nice to have not been made to go to the bathroom and shower right after birth. I could barely walk. Letting me rest would have been better. When I almost fainted on you, you didn’t seem like being alone with me was the best situation for either of us. I would hate to think what it would be like for you with overweight patients in that scenario. But, thank you for saying that my breathing during labor was good.  Love, Elizabeth

Dear Bitch Nurse, I don’t know what your problem is, but you have no business working alongside women, especially new mothers. Your bedside manner was the worst memory I have from my first child’s birth. You were rude, accusatory, incorrect, and uncaring. I have no idea why you are even a nurse. You couldn’t even see how you were hurting people, or did you not care? A mother recovering after labor should not ever have to cry herself to sleep during her stay in the hospital. You’re horrible. Please find another profession that doesn’t involve interacting with the public. Sincerely, Elizabeth Dear Formula Nurse, Thank you for breaking the news kindly and gently to me that my daughter was not thriving and needed formula. I am getting unexpectedly teary-eyed just thinking about it. You helped me do what she needed at that point in time. I would do anything for her. I just wanted you to know, though, that despite what everyone says, sometimes women just have sensitive nipples and sometimes breastfeeding does just hurt the first several weeks. I know it isn’t “supposed to”, but it can. With future children I discovered that, because I stuck it out and after 4-6 weeks, it finally felt natural because my nipples toughened. I bet it would help your patients to know that.  You saw us… the latch was correct, when she would even latch. Formula is expensive, so thank you for all the free samples. Love, Elizabeth Dear Hospital, You’re a birthing suite, you are supposed to be comfortable and deluxe. People actually choose you because they feel it will be the most home-like environment in a clinical setting. I know I was happy to end up with you. As far as I was concerned, you were the best choice in the region.

via Sunshine is Delicious

When a woman has had a long labor without eating anything and it’s the middle of the night, it doesn’t matter if the cafeteria is closed. Food is needed for the patient… it’s part of their health. Please don’t make your nurses scrounge to get cereal boxes when they’re trying to help someone recover, or put new tired dads in the position of searching for a 24 hour store or restaurant in a hurry to get some food for everyone. Maybe consider keeping your cafe open all hours. I mean, what women go through is hard enough. Make it easier for them without turning everyone into sudden scavengers. Food is as basic as blankets for the beds or running water for the bathrooms, when you think about it. Plus, everything else I said to everyone above. Sincerely, Elizabeth